|"Off Season" 24 x 30" Oil on Canvas, (c) Christine Sullivan 2013|
When I enter my studio these days I still enter with excitement over the fact that a) I have a studio and b) I love to paint. It is that simple. Even on those days when the painting isn't going well and I leave feeling battered and bruised I still return with that same joy, filled with anticipation of what could happen today. Now. With this canvas. Or that one.
Yes, it has only been three years. And yes I still have much to learn. And yes, yes, yes I have been struggling and juggling these past few months. But really, when it comes down to it, I think how great it is that art is in my life. And that I have many art friends. And that all I need to do is jump into a museum or stop into an artist's studio on you tube to visually see what others are doing and find a small nugget that leads me on another path or gives me a new entry point to where I want to be going. Which is simply to "get better."
And I realize, too, that one of the best parts of being on this creative journey is in the not-knowing. Someone once said to me, "Christine, how boring would it be if you knew what it was going to look like before you began?!?" There is truth in those words. But when you're out on the tight-rope you do hope that there is a "there" there. And so you just keep painting. At least that's where I'm at now. I am aware I am leaving some old habits behind, replacing them with better or more updated practices. And I am aware that I am in search mode for where this is all leading. But at the same time, or at least for the "now," I am okay with being lost in the forest and enjoying the smell of the pines and the faint sounds of a nearby stream. Because I am in it and trust that I will find "my way."
If any of this makes sense to you I'll be amazed but I just wanted to write it down. Share it with you. And hope that you, too, understand and trust yourself to just keep going, keep moving forward and know that the joy is in the journey moreso then the end result. As long as you trust that it is there, within you, and that you continue to...Brush On!